101 Things I Learned Watching Bourne Ultimatum

I compiled this from various posts on the Internet Movie Database, and added a few of my own.
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101 Things I Learned Watching Bourne Ultimatum

1. NYPD cruisers don't have airbags.
2. A book makes a better weapon than a golden vase.
3. Reporters don't follow direction well.
4. Jason Bourne is the baddest man on the planet
5. Wrapping your arm around the passenger seatbelt will prevent any major damage in a smash mouth accident.
6. Tricking out on a dirtbike is part of a black ops agent's training.
7. It's really easy to break into the top secret safe of a high ranking CIA official.
8. To be the head of Treadston you have to look and sound like a toad.
9. You can get into 20 different varieties of accidents within 5 minutes without your seatbelt on and walk away looking fresh.
10. There's no such thing as a concussion.

11. Punching a Book in someone's face is hilarious.
12. You can travel around the World without sleeping and eating.
13. You can avoid government phone taps by using pre-paid cell phones.
14. All secrect CIA assassins live in impeccably clean apartments and share a similiar taste for modern design.
15. You can not only survive belly flopping from a 10 story building but can swim away from it.
16. About to get shot by a CIA assassin? Don't sweat it, just talk to him.
17. If you're a reporter specializing in national security issues, don't expect to reach retirement and receive a gold watch for all your dedication and hard work.
18. As long as an agent codes in correctly, there is no need to be suspicious of delayed responses.
19. Windowblind style advertisements make great sniping positions.
20. A flaslight and a fan can get you out of any sticky situation!

21. If you bump into someone, a motorcycle key will appear in your hand.
22. Somewhere, someone manufactures a fax machine that feeds the pages facing up.
23. Not only can cars still be hotwired by touching two wires together, but the ignition wires are pre-cut and stripped for ultimate convenience.
24. Bourne says not to move-- you don't f---ing move!
25. If you're a super assassin you only need one of the guns from knocked out opponents, dont bother collecting the other clips for more ammo.
26. If the music is tense and strong enough, going through a door can be the most intense experience EVER.
27. A pair of boxers can protect your hands against razorsharp shards of glass.
28. To evade government officials and assassins, just turn the other way and walk away.
29. If the body isn't found, that person is alive.
30. For those times you'll have to plunge your car six stories vertically and backwards to avoid capture, an Audi will save your life.

31. There are no more private cell phone conversations.
32. CIA honchos always make sure to begin their day right with a heart-healthy omelette.
33. You can travel the world in weeks without having a real job.
34. The CIA can find out who didn't have a cell phone turned on for a day or two out of a million people, but it can't do real-time tracking of the dozen or so passports it's issued to an agent. Even after it knows the agent is using them to go between countries.
35. Getting in and out of CIA's secret NY office building is so easy it doesn't deserve any screentime.
36. If I put my life in danger by helping a rogue black op agent, the only advice I get is "It gets easier."
37. All black op agents have an amazing ability to navigate in buildings they have never been in before without getting lost.
38. The CIA has a fantastic parkour program.
39. Dying and cutting your hair will cause everyone to not recognize you.
40. Standing next to a scooter bomb as it explodes will not cause lose of hearing.

41. You can leak Top Secret CIA Documents to the press, get caught doing so, then just walk away.
42. Bourne clearly prefers Google for his mission-critical information needs.
43. Apparently Motorola RAZR's and Norton Anti-Virus are the technological driving forces behind the CIA's international operations.
44. If you're a senior CIA official, you get to kill anyone who pisses you off. Rogue agent tries to expose you? Death. Low-level operative talks to rogue agent? Death. Pizza guy gives you mushroom instead of pepperoni? Death.
45. In case of an emergency in a CIA assassin training center, fire doors leading to a public street are placed for your convenience 20 feet from the water torture tub, and just down the hall from the real human firing range.
46. Don't ever let someone with a cell phone stand next to you, especially if you are wearing a hoody. There's a significant chance the CIA will pull up to the curb and kidnap you.
47. It is standard operating procedure for the CIA to commit all of their resources to capturing one man, and in the process leave their top-secret New York office entirely undefended.
48. White men with gray hair are all evil.
49. Nicky Parsons is wanted by the CIA for 5 minutes and she cuts and dyes her hair. Jason Bourne is way too cool to alter his appearance and he's been wanted for years!
50. You can find Bourne and dispatch an asset and help in minutes but you haven't been able to find Osma Bin Laden in over 5 years.

51. One of Jason's eyes opens wider than the other.
52. When cutting and dying your own hair, it can somehow end up looking like you came out of a salon.
53. Anyone with a pair of binoculars can spy on CIA HQ in NY city.
54. You can be the most wanted person by the CIA and still walk into their office undetected, until you give away your position by telling them.
55. Pieces of vital information detailing the whereabouts of who you're looking for will not be burned up in a scooter bomb explosion.
56. Having someone behind you that says, "Oooh, sh!t!" after every mildly climactic thing that Bourne does makes the movie much less enjoyable.
57. Don't be the first person to volunteer for a new program, course, brainwashing scheme, perfect human weapon training class, etc. Always ask to speak to previous participants for their thoughts and impressions on how it has improved their personal and professional life.
58. In Bourne Supremacy the Director turned out to be the bad guy. In Bourne Ultimatum the Director turned out to be the bad guy. Lesson learnt?
59. American citizens' tax money are used to create ingenious safety measures called... Windows.
60. Top CIA officials dont have their office desk phone numbers stored on their cell phones.

61. You can drive uptown from 60th St in Manhattan and end up at the Brooklyn Bridge.
62. You can then walk from there to 71st St without getting caught.
63. Jason Bourne is the master of the dead man's float.
64. Janitors never have guns. Period.
65. Jason Bourne turns a Glock into a Sig-Sauer when he damn well feels like it.
66. Pamela Landy hasn't eaten a meal in 6 months.
67. NSA priority level 4 is really important, but nothing beats the "code 10 abort". That means run to your car, and drive like hell.
68. Towels can be very effective at blocking weapons.
69. If you are a CIA assassin and in the middle of a mission to kill a target, a text message on your RAZR from Julia Stiles is all it takes to distract you.
70. Jason Bourne is a much cooler name than David Webb.

71. If you're a director of a super secret black ops program, you will have a notebook with TOP SECRET written in giant red letters containing the records of all your secret assassinations. And you will compulsively take it out of the safe in your office to look at every 5 minutes.
72. When avoiding a sniper's scope, it's ok to leave yourself in the open occasionally, as long as you have confidence. He only shot a reporter square in the head 2 seconds after opening a door and having 5 people around him, yeah he's probably not that good, walk freely.
73. Amnesia will wear off over the course of three years, but it must help move the plot along.
74. In order to get an assassin to kill for you send him/her a text message with a picture of the target.
75. When you're a special agent or assassin, there's never time for pleasantries (Hello, Goodbye, how was your day, etc.)
76. The CIA office has no guards at the front desk that check to see if you are trying to walk out of the office with a sack full of documents.
77. The CIA uses google maps.... all the time. They haven't been able to develop anything better than that. In fact, they even have it in their SUVs.
78. Working as a computer tech at the CIA would not be fun, because your manager micro-manages you constantly, and argues with his peers in front of you.
79. Highlights on the back of your head make you very easy to spot in a crowd full of head scarves.
80. The CIA deep cover office in NYC uses CIA letterhead with its address printed on it.

81. An NYPD police cruiser can be chased and shot at through half of NYC without an other cops taking notice.
82. When finding a CIA contact in Tangier, simply look for cell phones that were turned off and not on.
83. If Jason Bourne is sitting inside your house when you arrive home, expect a family member to be dead.
84. Even amnesiacs who don't know their own date of birth know that 4/15/71 is some sort of code.
85. When faced with a locked glass door, shoot it.
86. The older Matt Damon gets, the more he looks like his marionette in Team America.
87. Russian police will let you go if you tell them your argument is with someone else.
88. You can go to a coroners office and give 40 dollars to take someones belongings after they blow up. Where does he continue to get money from anyway?
89. If you don't listen to Bourne and risk your own life, YOU WILL DIE!
90. If you DO listen to Bourne and stop your car, YOU WILL DIE!

91. Even though you're closer to the scooter bomb than the man you're trying to protect, after it detonates you can walk away, while he's burnt to a crisp.
92. If you're an information-leaking upper-level member of a super secret assassin organization who's on the run in a foreign country after realizing that your cover is blown, you will show up on the grid by entering the country openly with your own passport.
93. If you're an information-leaking upper-level member of a super secret assassin organization who's on the run in a foreign country after realizing that your cover is blown, you will, in case they didn't notice your entering of the country, keep doing things to appear on the grid like booking a hotel room and getting a wire money transfer from a bank.
94. If you're an information-leaking upper-level member of a super secret assassin organization who's on the run in a foreign country after realizing that your cover is blown, you will fall for a simple trick like having your wire transfer "delayed"
95. If you're an information-leaking upper-level member of a super secret assassin organization who's on the run in a foreign country after realizing that your cover is blown, you will take the most direct route from your hotel to the bank so an assassin sent by your organization will easily be able to intercept you.
96. If you're an information-leaking upper-level member of a super secret assassin organization who's on the run in a foreign country after realizing that your cover is blown, when Jason Bourne, the subject of your leaks about being the one who started it all steps in front of your car and tells you to stop, you will freeze and wait to get blown up or shot, rather than reversing the hell out of there right away.
97. If you jump off a building 2 blocks from the river and get shot while falling, the bullet will knock you 2 blocks into the river.
98. If you hear loud noises and your wife screaming in the other room, don't panic; instead relax by the TV. It's probably just an American assassin passing through.
99. Whenever you remember something, your head really hurts. I mean really.
100. The cameraman had Parkinson's.

101. You don't f--k with Jason Bourne!

Mr. Freak, on Aug 9 2007, 09:38 AM, said:

I compiled this from various posts on the Internet Movie Database, and added a few of my own.
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101 Things I Learned Watching Bourne Ultimatum

4. Jason Bourne is the baddest man on the planet
11. Punching a Book in someone's face is hilarious.
42. Bourne clearly prefers Google for his mission-critical information needs.
56. Having someone behind you that says, "Oooh, sh!t!" after every mildly climactic thing that Bourne does makes the movie much less enjoyable.
75. When you're a special agent or assassin, there's never time for pleasantries (Hello, Goodbye, how was your day, etc.)
100. The cameraman had Parkinson's.
101. You don't f--k with Jason Bourne!

These are my favorites.

And to comment on #56: I had an experience like that when I saw Live Free or Die Hard. (I don't mean to seem racist, but...) There was this black man behind me who would make very stimulating comments throughout the movie like "Oh, that boy...." "Oh! Oh! Scandalous!" and of course the ever popular "Holy s***!"

My addition: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was right: towels really do make useful tools, especially when you need to choke somebody.

Half-Life Fallout: 101 Things I Learned Watching Bourne Ultimatum - Half-Life Fallout